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'One day I decided enough was enough.' | Domestic violence survivor urges Memphians to recognizing the signs

According to advocates, abusers can initially come of as charismatic, affectionate, and extroverts, but this can quickly change to controlling.

MEMPHIS, Tenn. — Multiple high-profile domestic violence incidents now have several advocates pushing Memphians to be aware of the signs of abuse, and the resources in the area.

Oct. 23, Munford Police responded to a situation on Littleton Way just before 3 a.m. where law enforcement found two people dead. Authorities say this stemmed from a domestic incident.

Oct. 19, 22-year-old Ellie Young was shot and killed by her ex-boyfriend at Shelby Farms. This sent shockwaves in what is usually a quiet part of Shelby County.

In a statement Monday, Shelby County District Attorney General Steve Mulroy's office said, "Due to the severity of this case, our office has requested that no bond be granted pending a hearing." 

The statement went on to highlight the issue of domestic violence in the Mid-South. The Family Safety Center in Shelby County has a 24-hour domestic violence hotline available at 901-222-4400.

Also over the same weekend, the Shelby County Sheriff's Office identified the body of 65-year-old Rochelle Hill. Her body was found behind a home on Peppermill Road. Investigators believe this was another domestic violence situation.

“It was in an open area, and anyone else could have been injured,” said Marquiepta Odom-Williams, who works YWCA of Greater Memphis.

Odom-Williams is now among the many urging Memphians to stay vigilant, and do their part to prevent future cases of domestic violence from going to far. This is an experience Odom-Williams knows too well.

“I was tired, I was depressed…I knew that was not how I was raised, I knew that there was more to life, and one day I decided enough was enough,” said Odom-Williams.

According to advocates, relationships with eventual abusers can often start the same way, very unassuming. Abusers can come off as extroverts and very charismatic, but things can quickly take a turn.

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, common signs of domestic abuse can be:

  • Telling you that you never do anything right.
  • Showing extreme jealousy of your friends or time spent away from them.
  • Preventing or discouraging you from spending time with others, particularly friends, family members, or peers.
  • Insulting, demeaning, or shaming you, especially in front of other people.
  • Preventing you from making your own decisions, including about working or attending school.
  • Controlling finances in the household without discussion, such as taking your money or refusing to provide money for necessary expenses.
  • Intimidating you through threatening looks or actions.
  • Insulting your parenting or threatening to harm or take away your children or pets.
  • Intimidating you with weapons like guns, knives, bats, or mace.
  • Destroying your belongings or your home.

“It snowballs. It starts with these little things, and by the time you get to the end of the incident. All these things have added up,” said Phillis Lewis with Love Doesn’t Hurt, an LGBTQ+ emergency resource in Memphis.

Advocates ask if you feel you are in violent relationship, or feel a loved one is in a relationship, to create a safe space and call a local resource listed below, so an operator can help you develop a safety plan:

  • YWCA: (901) 725-4277 
  • Love Doesn't Hurt: 901-213-7661
  • Family Safety Center of Memphis: 901-800-6064
  • Tennessee Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-356-6767 
  • The Women's Advocacy Center: 901-896-9055

You can check out ABC24's Domestic Violence Resource Guide here.

“When someone tells you they are experiencing domestic violence, believe them. Be support, be solution-focused, be curious as to how I can get connected to resources so you can get away from this hostile relationship,” said Lewis.

Another program available for domestic violence survivors is Tennessee's Safe At Home Program. This helps people who have recently moved to a new address in the past 30 days shield their information from their abuser.

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